Mrs Weasley's Amazing Brownies
by confessions.of.katijane
Summary: The twins and friends engage in a contest to see who deserves the last of Mrs. Weasley's amazing brownies with some interesting results.  ONE SHOT.


**A/N: The idea for this story was mercilessly stolen from the brownie scene in the illustrious movie "Notting Hill". And if the last line puts you off a bit, just grin. It's all in fun.**

It was past midnight and the six friends were still crowded around the table in the small kitchen of the Burrow. The snow was falling softly outside in the dark night, but a fire crackled merrily and they were still joking, laughing, and talking animatedly despite the weather and the hour. A once full plate of delicious brownies made by Mrs. Weasley lay in the center of the table, with one final square sitting quite undisturbed in the middle of the platter. Every once in a while, the separate pairs of eyes of the Weasley twins, Lee Jordan, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, and Katie Bell would flicker toward it and then—almost as if afraid of being caught staring—would dart back up again to the faces of the others.

At last, Lee gave into temptation and casually extended a hand toward the last brownie. The remaining five pairs of eyes widened as Lee's fingers closed around the coveted treat. At the last second, Angelina suddenly darted out and seized Lee's arm as he raised the brownie to his open mouth.

"Sod off, Ange," Lee said, attempting to shrug the girl off.

"No way," she replied, looking daggers. "I've had my eye on that brownie for the last half-hour and I'll be damned if my worthless boyfriend is going to take it from me."

"Be damned, then," Lee said easily, refusing to relinquish the brownie.

"Well hold up, then," interjected Katie. "If we're putting out for it, I'd like to be considered."

"Yeah right!" laughed Fred, joining in the fray. "You eat like a hippogriff! There's already about four of them swimming around in that gut of yours already."

"Is not!" Katie shouted angrily. "And I do not eat like a hippogriff!"

"Sorry, five then."

"I need it, I've had the least!" Alicia whined as Fred easily dodged a utensil thrown at him by Katie. "You guys always leave me with the least amount of everything!"

"Only because you're not aggressive enough to fight for anything," Lee joked, holding the brownie high above his head.

"I can be aggressive," Alicia pouted.

"Now just wait a bloody second!" George said loudly, causing the group to turn toward him. "Come now, people be civilized."--Katie snorted here, causing George to throw her a dirty look-- "I'm sure there's a perfectly logical way to decide who deserves the last brownie."

"And how do you propose we do that?" asked Angelina, doubtfully.

"Well," George said slowly. "What do you say to a little contest?"

"And what kind of contest would that be?" Lee asked, looking at his friend with suspicion.

"Now just hold it there, mate," George said. "I'm explaining. So, looking back on this year, it's been pretty awful for us, hasn't it? With Umbridge running her regime of terror and such?"

Five heads nodded in agreement amidst muttering and various swear words.

"I mean, think about it," George continued. "After years of waiting, Angelina has finally seized control of our quidditch team, only to be met with certain speed bumps in the form of Potter's detentions and me and Fred's little brother mucking things up at the goal keeping end—bless him," he added as an after thought.

"Bloody mess," Angelina agreed fervently.

"And what about Lee? He finally gets Angie to agree to go steady with him and Umbridge implants this rule about no snogging in public. What is that?"

"Seriously!" Lee said angrily.

"And Alicia…dear, sweet Alicia, my only love…" Alicia rolled her eyes. George goggled at her ridiculously and then continued. "Poor Alicia's been forced into attending Slughorn's parties after he found out she earned twelve OWLs last year and stands in a fair way of raking in more NEWTs than Dumbledore himself."

"What are you getting at, George?" Katie asked impatiently from across the table.

"Don't worry, dear, I'm getting to you," George said, grinning. "Our own sweet Katie, whose good looks are legend, has had them marred, haven't you, Katie?"

"You mean this?" Katie asked bitterly, holding up the back of her left hand.

"Exactly," George continued. " 'I will not talk back.' Probably good advice for her, but not scarred on the back of her hand and definitely not from that wench."

Katie looked torn between agreeing with George and massacring him with her dinner fork for the previous comment.

"And Fred and I have had trouble marketing our goods because of rules put in place by the woman," he finished.

"Not that we've ever had a mind for rules, brother," Fred reminded him.

"Quite right, twin."

"I still don't see where this is going," Angelina snapped. "I want that brownie while it's still warm."

"Hold your hippogriffs, my dear," George continued patiently. "Here's the contest I'm proposing: All of you will state your case as to why your life has been the hardest to live for the past year, and I will judge and award the last brownie as a consolation prize for the most wretched among us. Alicia, I defer to you."

His girlfriend grinned as the rest of them nodded in agreement to the brilliance of the plan. Alicia cleared her throat importantly and began her case.

"Well, like George said, I've been inducted into Slughorn's supposed 'Hall of Fame' and have thus been subjected to really some of the worst parties I've been to in my life. Not only am I constantly surrounded by people who, for the most part, think that they're head and shoulders above the rest of the wizarding world, I'm dating this git who refuses to go to these parties with me."

"George!" Fred pretended to gasp, covering his mouth with hand and batting his lashes. "How could you!"

"Exactly!" Alicia said, laughing. "On top of that, I'm really quite sick of being the model student and the _one time_ I decided to have a bit of fun, Draco Malfoy catches me almost naked on my broom at midnight on the quidditch pitch."

"That git got to see you in your underthings?!" George shouted angrily. "That's it, I win the brownie."

"Now hold up there, mate," Lee said, pushing George back. "I'm having a go at this right now. So, it's true, I'm finding it very difficult to find time and place to snog my gorgeous girlfriend who I've waited years to obtain and even when I _do_ find a way to accomplish this seemingly impossible feat, she's usually 'not in the mood', which makes me think she's perpetually PMSing or something because…' "

"I am not perpetually PMSing!" Angelina shouted, whacking Lee upside the head. "We're skipping him _right now_ and going on to me."

"Fair enough," George said, gesturing toward Angelina to take the floor and make her case. "That's a big DQ for the PMS comment, Lee. Never mention your significant other's cycle. Rule number one for a happy relationship, isn't it, Allie?"

Alicia rolled her eyes as Angelina began her speech.

"Well," she said, "I'm currently captain over probably the worst quidditch team Gryffindor has ever seen—no offense, guys—but I get absolutely no support from anyone including my idiot of a boyfriend here. I got rejected as Hogwarts champion in favor of _two_ other people, one of which is two years younger than myself, McGonagoll keeps threatening to take away my captaincy, and to top it off, this is my graduating year which means this will always be the year I remember most vividly! And it _sucks_!"

"Hear, hear," said Lee. "Surely that deserves a brownie." He began to push the plate toward his girlfriend, probably hoping that this act of gallantry would earn him a piece of the brownie.

"No just hold it right there, Mr. Jordan," George said, again seizing control of the small brown square. "You haven't given my twin brother a chance at this coveted prize yet. And as we all know, he _is_ pretty pathetic."

"Yeah!" Fred said triumphantly, and then reneged. "Hey—_what_?"

"That's right, brother," George continued, clapping his twin on the back. "Think about poor Freddie here. He's constantly living under the shadow of the more attractive, brilliant twin—"

"Hey now—"

"He has terrible marks in all his classes—"

"Not entirely true—"

"He's constantly shunned by women—"

"Now that is _really_ untrue—"

"Including the one who I happen to know for a fact that he's fancied above all others for at least the past year!"

"And who's that unlucky witch?" Katie drawled, clearly bored of the speech.

"Katie Bell," George said triumphantly as Fred flooded with color and the rest of the table shouted with incredulity.

"That's right, my friends," George continued, basking in the glow of his one-up on Fred. "Poor Fred here has suffered all the pangs of unrequited love that this unfeeling—and slightly ignorant, if I'm permitted to say so—witch sitting before you has inflicted upon him."

Katie looked incredibly amused at this revelation as Fred sulked across the table.

"Well I definitely win now," Fred said, dragging the brownie toward him. "Having your guts spilled out by your obnoxious twin brother only to be mocked at by your obnoxious love interest definitely qualifies."

"No arguments here, mate," Lee conceded as Katie began to laugh. "She's downright cruel."

"Hold up!" Katie said, seizing the attention of the table. "I haven't had my turn yet!"

"You really think you deserve this brownie?" George said, eyeing her amusedly. "After that display of callousness and unfeeling?"

"She definitely does not," Alicia said, laughing incredulously at her friend.

"Well I deserve a shot at it at least!" Katie shouted. "Put the chocolate back in the center, fattie."

Fred laughed and shoved it back. "You're incredibly terrible, you know that?" he said. "Okay, let's hear what you have to say."

"My case is simply this," Katie said, clearing her throat importantly and sitting up. "That I have suffered through all of your jokes at my expense without complaint—_real _complaint," she reiterated as Fred scoffed. "And that I have endured countless detentions of which I was guilt free—okay, _somewhat _guilt free of obtaining and that I ended up so at the hands of none other than that red-headed bloke sitting across the table from me who professes to love me, and that his twin sometimes operated as his accomplice."

"Alas, of this, I am guilty," George sighed. "Do continue, love."

"Gladly," Katie accepted. "I shall now highlight the gravest of the injuries that the accused red-head in question, Mr. Frederick Weasley, has caused me: First, of encasing my broomstick in an enormous serving of treacle tart—"

"But you got to _eat_ your way toward it, which you love…"

"Second, of covertly obtaining the brassiere of one Minerva McGonagoll and planting it underneath my pillowcase—"

"Please. You only got one week of detention for that."

"Shut up, idiot! Third, of levitating my bed out of my window and hiding it in the Slytherin common room. Out of this resulted the added injury of having Marcus Flint boast to the entire school that he had the pleasure of being between my sheets."

"I helped you wash them, though…"

"Fourth, the accused, only last week, captured my cat and retrained him to only answer to the name of 'Poo-Breath'. "

"Vast improvement over Pooky—"

"I would have to concur," George agreed.

"And, most recently, of announcing to four other witnesses that I eat like a hippogriff, which I most certainly do not."

"Actually, I take that one back," Fred said calmly. "Hippogriffs are sometimes civil."

"You take that back!"

"I will not."

"You'd better or I'll shove my fork up your—"

"People, people," George said, holding out his arms in a rather dignified manner. "Let's solve this calmly. Now, Katie dear, are you finished in your case for the brownie?"

"No, George, I am not. I have one final grievance to cite."

"Please do so."

"I'm short."

Angelina and Alicia laughed as Lee put out a hand in protest. "Now hold on," he said, "That _can_'_t_ be a reason."

"Sure it can," Katie said simply.

"And why's that?"

"Because after we get up from this table and start off to bed, I'm going to have the added difficulty of finding a stool to stand on so that I can properly snog Fred Weasley."

The whole table erupted with laughter as George turned to deliberate with a shell-shocked Fred. The rest of the table buzzed with the recent romantic developments between their two remaining single friends as Katie waited patiently for the twins to finish talking, their heads bent together, whispering rapidly.

"Nope," George said finally, looking up. "Sorry, gorgeous, nowhere near good enough."

"Total crap," Fred agreed, nodding. "_Pathetic_ attempt to hog the last brownie."

But his eyes twinkled across the table at her as he bit into the object of envy and Katie thought to herself that with any luck, she might be able to get at least a small idea of what that last brownie might have tasted like after everyone else went to bed.


End file.
